Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
