Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
