you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
