I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
