he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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