Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
