Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
