u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
