And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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