who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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