I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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