Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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