never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
