I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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