You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
