When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
