Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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