Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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