ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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