Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
