are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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