i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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