Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
