my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
