Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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