needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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