this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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