9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
