Betty ford says i'm here all night
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We talked him into tasing himself.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
