when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
