I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
