So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
