My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
