the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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