wat bout pragnant strippers??
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
