My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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