That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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