True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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