I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
