Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
