I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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