we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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