And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
