JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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