i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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