my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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