you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
