I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
