..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
handjob tips. give me some.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
