found the other keg... it's in the tree
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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