TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
