the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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