What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
