Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
