I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
