I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What drink are we having for lunch?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
