I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
