The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
