Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
